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Millions are addicted to smoking.

If you are among them but don't want to be, here are some tips to help you kick the bucket.

By Dr. William Addict jr.

      ·  Avoid doing things you associate with smoking, such as drinking, eating, walking and being awake.

·  Get thrown in jail, where cigarettes can only be acquired in exchange for painful sexual favors.

·  Lobby at your government to pass a 5000% increase of sales tax on packs of cigarettes.

·  Write a rap song about how smoking is not cool. Perform it at local elementary schools.

·  Move to a country where tobacco possession is illegal.

·  Avoid thinking about the rich full flavor of a good cigarette.

·  Fill your home with motivational placards bearing such slogans as: "Smoking is for pussies" and "Only a fucking retard would even think about smoking".

·  Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. If a loved one quits smoking, keep an ashtray around as a handy substitute.

·  Attractive people smoke because it makes them look cool. Acknowledge that you are neither atractive nor cool.

·  Cover yourself in egg whites. No one knows why this works.

·  Join a stop-smoking support group. Be sure it's one that meets on a different night than your other six groups.

·   Hypnotism has helped many people quit, but you risk becoming the hypnotist's slave. It's your choice:  quitting smoking or your freedom.

·   Teach yourself a valuable lesson by slowly dying of lung cancer.

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